My name is Pauline Toner and I live in Newtownards.
When I was struck by a sudden stroke in June 2022, it turned my life upside down in a split second. I was only 58. It was horrific and devastating, not only for me, but for my loved ones too.
My stroke happened at 2am. My son Matt, who was at university in England, got the call. He told his mates, “The hospital has just phoned me and said my mum has had a bleed on the brain.” He didn’t realise how serious it was until one of his housemates, a paramedic, explained to him how grave the situation was.
Meanwhile, I was in a state. It’s very strange to say this but I felt the stroke happen. I felt a popping
sensation, then immense pain in my head. I was still conscious and rang the emergency services
screaming. I was blue lighted to the Ulster Hospital and then to the Royal Victoria Hospital. After
numerous tests, it was confirmed I’d had a stroke. But my hospital battle wasn’t over yet.
For ten days after that I was constantly sick, and I lost a stone in weight. I also developed sepsis and
became very ill. When my son came in to see me in hospital, he didn’t even recognise it was me - the
woman with all the tubes in her.
Matt said to me afterwards, “I thought I was going to have to plan your funeral.” When you hear that coming from your 23-year-old, it’s very hard. I know how upset he was. Hope was in very short supply.
That was when Northern Ireland Chest Heart and Stroke came into my life. When Dawn, my NICHS Family Support Co-ordinator, first came out to see me, I was in floods of tears telling her what I’d been through.
Dawn was so reassuring. She let me know about the services NICHS offered that could help me recover, like their Post Rehab Exercise Programme (PREP), which was an invaluable place for me to go and a Godsend for everyone who takes part. The physio-led programme has helped me improve so much physically, and I can feel the difference a year on. I also went along to the NICHS Young Stroke Group in Newtownards. I was nervous and frightened at first of joining the group as a newbie, when everyone else already knew one another. But week by week I opened up and shared my story with the others and started to feel that I belonged.
Dawn had given me the gift of hope.
My stroke left me with weakness down my right side. I have balance issues and often bump into things, and I’ve lost my peripheral vision, so I can’t drive. It affected me cognitively too. I frequently stumble over my words and forget things, like my bank details. It’s awful as I used to have a really sharp memory. I loved quizzes and even had the application form for The Chase on TV! But there’s no way I could do something like that now.
The stroke really changed my life as I knew it overnight. I used to work with people with dementia and that’s one thing I miss. It was a job I loved so much. I was at work one day, and in hospital the next. I never got to go back. That was difficult.
It’s hard to deal with those things - the parts of me the stroke stole away. But now if I’m feeling down,
the NICHS Young Stroke Group is at the end of the phone. Everyone supports each other and we all
know we’ve been through the same thing. I’ve made many good friends there.
Dawn told me she thought I would make a good volunteer, so after my time at PREP I started to help. I
absolutely love it. I can talk to people in the group who are finding it difficult and let them know that not
that long ago I was sitting right where they are and show them how far I’ve come.
Recently we celebrated my son Matt finishing his Occupational Therapy degree with a First-Class Honours and getting a new job. One of my hopes is to walk into Coventry Cathedral without a stick for his graduation. Without NICHS, I might not have that precious glimmer of hope.
